Archive for the ‘Japanese Stay Losing’ Category

Those Whacky Japanese!

March 11, 2009

I am so amped this week. The video game, Resident Evil 5 drops on Friday. I fucks with video games heavy. Started exactly 12 years ago. Wife was pregnant with our first child and I knew I was gonna have to spend some time at home. I copped the then brand new Play Station gaming console. I also copped the games Tekken, Tomb Raider and Resident Evil (the first). Can you say crack? Play Station had taken gaming to a whole new level, better playability, incredible immersive 3-D type graphics. Haven’t been able to put the joy sticks down ever since. [||].

Getting back to Resident Evil 5. Did you know this title is supposedly the most controversial of the series? Apparently, this game takes place in some town in Africa. This village gets infected by some virus thingie and eventually becomes overrun by zombie like villagers hungry for blood. The hero/main character, a white chap by the name of Chris Redfield is dropped into the village, just in time to save the day. The main complaint received, based on previews, are the images of white blasting reckless on nothing but Black. According to the Wall Street Journal, “Critics contended that the imagery of a white man shooting black Africans evoked troubling memories of the age of Western colonialism.” I do have a problem with the video game industry being almost exclusively white, except for a smattering of Asians here and there. I’ll also admit that the previews I’ve seen so far look mad effin racist, but as an addicted gamer, until I actually play the game, I’ll defer to the developers that argue that it’s not at all racist since the game does take place in Africa. I’ll see, still, the Resident Evil brand of late has released incredible games to the point that even if RE5 does prove in my eyes to be racist, I will most likely eat that, bitching and moaning as I enjoy blasting those Black African bastards back to the stone age. I’ll live, especially since I survived playing racist ass games before.

Have you heard about “RapeLay“? It is, literally, a Japanese “rape simulator” game. I hear its all the rave in Japan. The premise is that you play a Japanese fellow who was wrongly accused of raping a woman. The game begins right after you (and your rectum) [||] get released from jail. Once free, you set about to exact revenge on your accuser and her two virgin daughters, one looking almost as young as 10 years old. The method of revenge: rape. WTF? I know, sounds like big fun, right? You stalk your prey on a subway platform or in a park and follow her until your ‘horny” meter kicks in and she reaches various secluded areas where you then attempt to wreck shop. I even read that you score extra points based on your method of attack. Strangling her whilst she chokes on the kielbasa? Extra pointage. Knocking teeth from her mouth as you pound her bloodied unconscious ass from the ass? Extra pointage. I even hear that you get disqualified for causing any of your victims to get pregnant. Shits and giggles for real. Sex based games aren’t new to the Japs, said games even having their own genre called “eroge”, or erotic games. Just that this latest one takes the cake. What’s sad is that some wierdos over here put in mad orders for RapeLay on, so much so that Amazon had to place a ban on said orders. My problem with RapeLay is not only does that shit sound extra sick as fuck, it’s that it don’t even sound like that much fun to play. I think I’ll pass on this one.

If I was a Jap developer, I’d come up with a new game called “Protect Your Holes”. Get the RZA to do the score and soundtrack even. The premise would start off similar to RapeLay in that, as the main character by the name of “Short Eyes”, you’d get falsely accused and wrongly imprisoned for raping someone. Difference would be that the game would take place wholly behind bars, where characters with names like “Chicken Hawk”, “El Plunger”, “Hold ‘Em Down Harry” and “Vicious Love” would be solely intent on introducing your character to the violent and lovely world of jail sex. Imagine having escaped the “tossed salad” trap only to find your character trapped and surrounded in the showers by 6 naked horned up Latin Kings eager to tear into some fresh young back meats, all the while ready to knock out your front teeths for easy access? Fun by the boatloads. [||] of course to this entire post.

So until ActiVision or CapCom starts developing “Protect Your Holes”, I’ma be holed up here in Brooklyn, safely playing white blasting legions of infected Black with the shottie or the AK on Resident Evil 5. I’m a man of principles.